When I grow up-

I have this friend who has, since I’ve known her, had and executed a plan for her future without hesitation or deviation. She has always known what she wanted to do and has planned out her future right down to where she will be living in the next few years and how it is all going to work. I’ve never had the luxury of a well thought out and meticulously planned out life. How safe it must feel to know what you will be doing and where you will go. I’ve never been a planner, mostly because of the fact that I’m a really impulsive person. But it never fails to amaze me each time she completes one of her planned tasks. Perhaps I am so in awe of her planning and completion of those plans because of the way I was raised. Plans were made and rarely kept. To me plans just left more room for disappointment. So planning was more like daydreaming. We always said we would do something someday, but I the plans never got to the production point. So now she is well on her way to becoming the very thing she chose when she was younger. She has no idea how much I look up to her and admire her hard work. She also has no idea how much I almost hate her for making it all look so easy. I feel a slight sense of fear knowing that I’m still undecided about what I want to do with my future. I feel like a little kid who put off doing their homework until five minutes before the teacher walks by the desk to pick it up. It is painfully clear to me at this point of my life that I have failed to plan for my future and that my future is just around the corner. On the first day of class this quarter I actually walked into a math class two minutes late, and everyone thought I was the instructor. Never mind the fact that most of the boys in my college level class don’t yet have the ability to grow facial hair or that the girls in the back don’t have their license yet. I’m fifteen years behind… God that sucks!
So here I am, swallowing my pride and trying to just focus on the task at hand. Figure out what I want to be when I grow up. What do I want to be? Why when I have all of these things that I’m good at can I not just choose something and go with it? I’ve learned a great deal from her these last few years about life and the ability of one person to push through the road blocks and make things happen. She inspires me to go for the things that I want. I only hope I’ve helped her as much as she has helped me…