Is it ever Clear?

Have you ever felt something you shouldn’t feel? It’s confusing, on one hand things progress in a manor that it is only natural to feel the feelings you are at that time. But on the other hand you have circumstances that say you shouldn’t feel this way yet. I have this internal argument that wages wars against each other daily. “Not yet, wait a while longer, what are you thinking?” “Be patient,” one side says. The other side doesn’t care and goes on doing and feeling what it wants to. I’m probably completely crazy at this point for admitting that I argue with myself all day long. But then, isn’t everyone a little crazy sometimes? I keep wondering if this is a path of self discovery or a path of self destruction that I am on. I do know the following to be true. As of today, in my life I have fought for what I wanted and lost. I have tried which is more than some can say. I have learned many a lesson because of the choices I made in my past. I have worked long and hard and earned little. I know the value of the little things and take pleasure in being a real human. I can say I have hated and been hated. Now I can also say that I have really loved, and that means a lot to me. Feelings are complicated things that seem to only complicate themselves more and more until one final moment when all is supposed to be clear. Clarification eludes me.