Over a Sick Addiction?

The bar has always been kind of an addiction for me. Not really the alcohol part either, but the other part. That part is hard to explain to people with out them getting the wrong idea. It has always been the same, I go, I flirt, and, I leave. I have never left the bar with a man, and have been proud to be the only person I know to have not taken someone home “from the bar”. I continued with this pattern for years, taking what I needed from the crowd, and the energy that came off of them. I only came for the fulfillment of this badly needed feeling, but I have found it to be an empty and desolate place of late. I no longer go for the same reason. How odd is that? I have always gone for the same thing. It was always in the same pattern of action. Usually the same activities filled my nights. But there is no more walking through alone, no looking for the unsuspecting, and no looking for the game. I used to toy with people, simply because I could. I would draw out the most selfish, and conceited of them all, and make them beg; only to leave them empty handed and alone. I got a high off of it. It was a new found power I had discovered; defeating the smug and self centered masses. I would put them in their places, and make them understand that they were no better than the rest. This was the game I played with the drunken men of the bar.
I went tonight, hoping for one thing, and ending up with a different thing. What I ended up with was a carbon copy of many nights I have already lived. The same opportunities presented themselves, and crossed my path. I felt the need to leave. So I did. I have been home, thinking on the subject for a time. Things were so different, tonight. I can’t explain, but it isn’t the same now. I can no longer run the path that I have run before. The energy that used to be my driving purpose has become miniscule to me. Not worth pursuing. Funny, that man never could persuade me to stay away from that for ten years. Odd, how after a short time, I could leave and never miss it.