Shakespear was Wrong, That isn't the Question.......

They are constantly running, never stopping. Relentless…….
There is nothing that has been able to stop their playing. They go on, without permission, confusing, twisting, and tempting will. They begin in the fog of waking hours early in the morning, and end in the dusky starlit sky. They creep in through the cracks of everyday thoughts, popping up at random moments. They are the thoughts that torture me with their sweetness. They are warm, happy, and sensual. They have become a close friend to my routinely drab and obligatory thoughts of the normal day. They whisper in my ears telling me of their greatness. I long for the moment when the new ones are created sometimes in the blink of an eye. It has gone far beyond any semblance of normalcy. They spiral outward into the personal corners, touching and entering for a quick look into my coveted personal life. I remain unsure on a daily basis. How did this dance of wonderful chaos start in my mind? You have what you have, and you have what you have always pictured as what you should have. Then what? Then what? That is the question, Shakespeare was wrong. “To be or not to be?” That isn’t the important question. I’m in a place where I simply have been. What I will become, and where I will go with what I have, is the question. Seemingly a simple question, yet never simple to those making the decisions. I know it is inevitable, the choice that I will ultimately make. The axe will fall. The variable is the time it will happen. The outcome is the answer, and the blank life after the dropping of the axe is what I fear. Wow, does anyone even know that I actually fear things? They look at me as an iron statue. I guess I have had to become one in a sense. I look into time, my life, and know what it will be from this day out if I stay on my current path. The life I know and all that will happen is clear and stretched out on display before me. It’s like sitting down to watch a movie you have already seen. But the part after the inevitable choice where the head will roll, and the axe remains buried in a point beyond return is blank. It is the movie I have never heard of or seen. I don’t know if the outcome will be good, or bad. I don’t know what will happen, or who the characters will be, or the plot they will play out. It is black, the road around the corner of my mind. I am unable to reach into it and see if it is safe. Then it starts again. They run, never stopping, relentless………