Stealcient....

Things have changed so much since last year. I know exactly what I was doing on this day one year ago. I was sitting on my couch, looking out of a rain smattered window completely void of any feeling. I remember that there was not a lot of emotion going through me at that time in my life. I had literally been numb for the past ten years, and was slowly starting to realize it. In the last decade there has only been one thing that brought me any kind of joy. I think with out her I would have done things drastically different than I did. I was recently told by someone close to me to be careful not to act too quickly with my new found emotions. “Emotions can be tricky and consuming.” She told me. It has literally been so long since I had any feelings, and now to have such powerful ones it is very curious. She is right though, I should be cautious. The things that passed for feelings in these last years dwindle in the light of the feelings I have today. I’ve never been cautious in life. This is the most cautious, patient and well thought out thing I have ever done in my life. Stealcient? Is that really the word? And in the light of the magnitude of emotion I feel that is saying something profound. I’ve never had to be this strong with myself before. I’ve never held back this much either, and never have I gone against what my impulses have driven me to do. I’ve always wanted everything right now, and could never wait. I've never been this patient in trying to achieve my goals. I hold back the tantelizing urges only to find myself standing still unwavering. I want so much to jump and run with all that I want right now, and still I hold back. Maybe I am getting more disiplined with age, or perhaps it is something completely different. I find myself in uncharted territory, unsure how to proceed. There seems to be no harm in waiting and watching.