And She Goes........
I don’t understand how someone can keep doing things that are not in their best interest. Humans seem to be the only creatures that create this inherent pattern of stupidity. No other animal in this world will repeatedly return to the source of danger, unless rabid or trained to do so. This is the fourteenth time I have removed her from him at times when I found him to be a threat. He will eventually kill her; I have seen it in his eyes more than once. He hates me, but he is afraid because I see him for what he truly is. How do you help someone who doesn’t act in their best interest? How do you watch someone you care about slowly let a monster kill them? She believes there is hope for the man that died in him years ago. All that is left is the drug, the demon, and the hate for all that is good in her. This last one I feel is my fault. If I could have hesitated, and bumbled long enough, this cycle of destructive patterns would be at an end. He didn’t do it the right way; it would have taken a long time. I saw the spark that used to be a fire, it dies a little each day, trampled and suffocated by the hands of the monster. They tell me I should let it go, let her deal with her own fate. I am the only one who has not abandoned her, much as I have wanted to these many times when it seemed all hope was lost on her. She undoes all of the progress and digs deeper into the darkness. She returns to the source of her problems and embraces the rage as she feeds and cares for the very being that will become her demise. I have tried everything, and I fear that this time will be like all the rest. I guess in the end, things will be what they are going to be, regardless of my actions.
posted by Mallisa at 10:03 PM
6 Comments:
Yes, in a way I am, but with one major difference, I don't beat her, or stick needles in her, and I don't threaten her baby. He does. And they are not empty threats.
Torren is right, you can't help those that don't want to help themselves. Yet, there is the loyalty to your friend and that is a true friend. I can't turn my back on a friend either. That is a tough call.
You mentioned drugs, and I see needles here in the comment. Does he slam his drugs? Does she do the drugs with him? I ask about the needles, because that is the most addictive method of drug use. If she is doing them with him then it would explain a lot. I have seen this before, and the outcome wasn't good. She got away from him, but only because he overdosed and died.
This is a very hard situation for you. Your loyal to your friend, even as mentaly trying as it has been. If you turn away and something happens, then your left feeling guilty, because you didn't help her. If you continue standing by her it will only bring you down.
Lastly, I hope that this isn't a metaphorical reference to your own life. Which I am thinking it isn't , but have to ask none the less. I am thinking of your daughter's welfare and yours is why I do ask.
I wish you best of luck in this matter Mallisa, it isn't an easy fix no matter what you do. Even though we are strangers Malisa,
if you need to talk to someone, then feel free.
Later,
BK
Is it really so foreign to you?
Anything that floods the brain with the kind of neuro-chems that sex and drugs can bring about is hard to resist. The bliss can make the internal scream for self-preservation into a whisper and sometimes even silence it altogether.
I know two people that can't stay away from each other. They are like rabid animals but instead of drugs or violence they are hooked on sex (not much difference). Like desperate addicts they mainline the "O". They crave it and it consumes them.
It is not safe for them, its risks are great for both of them to continue, but even after a serious agreement to separate they violate the oath and continue.
It is a very obvious parallel to this problem of your friends. As much as we like the good chems in the brain, they are deceptively dangerous and before you know it, a person can find yourself somewhere they never imagined they would be.
-Ziv
Thanks you guys. I appreciate that you care. No, this isn't a metaphor for my own life. I guess it is just me trying to be ok with leaving her to her own choices. It is the guilt that will haunt me in the end. And Ziv-I feel for those friends of yours. I've been there, but it wasn't just the sex I was addicted to. I just happened to have been head over hills in love with that one. That is the most dangerous addiction in my opinion. But then I have never really been the toe dipping swimmer, I dive right in.
I know there are similarities in my behavior and hers, but the difference I am dealing with is that she is going to end up very hurt physically or worse. She knows it too. Nothing that I do will be physically damaging to me.
-MK
My dad always told me...
"Son, you ain't hurt if you ain't bleedin'"
So keep that in mind.
-Ziv
I admire you for your strength and courage. You stand and look evil in the eye, knowing full well that is what he is. You can't save her...only she can save herself. Nonetheless, you are a wonderful, caring, selfless friend. I only hope that I am half the friend to you that you are to her, as well as the rest of us. I love you!
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