Being Left before Leaving-

I’ve been getting a lot of advice from every conceivable corner in my life. Sometimes they give it to me weather I want it or not. Everyone seems to know how and what I should do with my situation, but they haven’t lived in my shoes, they have no idea just what my situation is. I am the only person who really knows everything. There isn’t a single person I could tell everything to. The simple fact of things is that I already know what I have to do. It is the hard part ahead that I must deal with alone. How hard can it be, I’ve been alone for five years in this marriage. “How can you be alone in a marriage?” You ask. Well, when your husband completely stops talking to you and spends every single second and every last dollar on something else for five whole years then you are alone. When you try to talk to him a hundred times about the same thing, and he doesn’t care to hear you, then you are alone. When your child has 16 baseball games and 32 practices in four months and he doesn’t come to a single one, then you are alone. When you sleep in a king sized bed by your self every night because he volunteered to work seven night shifts in a row, then you are alone. When this goes on consecutively for three years, you are most definitely alone. When you have been apart so much that he doesn’t know your favorite music, or know who your friends are, then you are alone. I have my reasons for doing what I am doing. If I am going to be alone, I might as well do it legally, and have some hope of finding someone who will spend more than four hours a month with me. I realize that I made a promise to him, but I feel that after these last five years of pleading and begging myself into a fit of tears that I owe it to myself to try something else. This isn’t working. No one should have to be alone in life. He broke his promise a long time ago, I don’t get why I have to be the bad person because I am the one who said the words out loud. I might not have the right to break that promise, but neither did he, and you can’t make a marriage work if there is only one person trying. So now that I have stopped trying, and am now focusing on changing my situation I have become the wrong doer. I am the one who gave up and broke a promise. I am the one who is ruining the sanctity of marriage. I am the defective link breaking the chain, and I am the one who should bend over and bear it so that everyone can continue on their happy little way. I am sick of people telling me that I have no right to do what I am about to do. Half of them have done it themselves! I would love to tell them all one simple thing. Advice is something you give to people, what they do with it is their own problem.