Baby Steps are just as hard as Leaps and Bounds

This morning, I took some big steps toward my independence. They were small things to get done, but made me feel better none the less. I had been putting them off, making little excuses in my head as to reasons why I couldn’t get them done at the time. Today was different, everything seemed to want to get done, and before I knew it all of the little bits of paper work and information I needed to get things moving seemed to appear before me. So I took the pen and just got it all over with. Today was a small step in a direction full of big steps. I only wish all the steps ahead were as easy and painless as the ones I took today. It’s hard changing ones whole life. You start the process and then it suddenly becomes apparent just how radical the change will be, which brings on a heightened state of panic in the back of your head. You become aware that you are stepping in to uncharted territory, and walking away from the familiarity of what you know. This is both terrifying and liberating at the same time, a feeling I really don’t care to feel for very long. It is unsettling, nerve-racking, and all together strange. I’ve been going on an odd roller coaster of being completely pumped and excited to being very freaked out and unsure. I keep asking myself questions like “How am I going to do this?” and “What am I doing?”. Finally the answer to my two continuous question was answered today. Ironically by the same voice that has been asking these questions in the first place. The answer was simple. “You simply will do what you need to, or don’t and continue on in limbo.” So today, things got done. They were irreversible steps in the process of obtaining my freedom. A small weight has been lifted and it is suddenly a little easier to bear. So that is one less thing, and thank God.