Balance

There are days when my whole world seems to come crashing down all around me. Suddenly everything has piled up and there seems to be no end to the tasks that need finished. I am completely shocked that this could have happened with the meticulous schedule I keep. How could so many things just suddenly need finishing all at once? My mind races with the long list of things and responsibilities threatening the corners of my day. There simply aren’t enough hours in my day to accomplish all that needs to be done. One last push, keep pushing, keep moving, one more evolution, one more day. It’s like sorting through a mountain of objects trying to put them in order of importance. How do you balance these things? Obligations to my daughter and school, and work, and my family, the legal paperwork and quarterly reports, house work, and home work, they all press me for attention. Sleep gets the back burner yet again as I sit through the night sorting the mess out piece by piece. The mess will clear, as all messes do, only to make room for a different mess. This one came on quick though. Damn, didn’t see it coming. How could I, every minute of my day is for a specific thing, I spend so much of my time looking closely at each small thing that sometimes I miss the big picture. I’ve gotten behind again. Being a single mom is harder than most people know. It’s a never ending juggling act that is emotionally, mentally and physically draining. So, I have to pick myself up, and keep moving again quitting isn't an option.

It's as clear as the dawn........

I think I’ve figured out why it happened. The two things are really one thing, and can’t be separated. At first I thought I could separate the two, using one side to avoid the other. Sitting on my couch in a silent room it just hit me why. They are like the day and the night; they cannot exist with out each other. The day can be warm and engulfing, setting fire to your heart and your soul. The suns rays fight out the darkness to make room for growth and stability. The night can be wild and passionate like a fierce animal with primitive motivations; hearts beating in the thrill of the nightly chase. But the two cannot exist on completely separate planes. The dawn will always come just as the sun will always set. Those precious few moments in the day when it is both day and night simultaneously are both beautiful and wild at the same time. Love is like the dawn and the sunset. They are an intermingling of the two sides of attraction. There can only be so many nights before you finally awake to the day. And you can’t have the day without the night. Both are equally important in keeping the balance, otherwise the sun would never rise, shining its bright beams into the dark, and the sun would never set sharing the skies for the stars to shine. The most beautiful time of day is that transition from light to dark or from dark to light, the twilight hours of the day where things are still dreaming, but also awake. That is what I want to look for. That space where I can have both, the love and the passion. But it never seems to last….